This week, my husband showed me this video of Lin-Manuel Miranda and Ben Platt doing a glorious mash-up of two of the most moving songs from their respective shows: “The Story of Tonight” from Hamilton and “You Will Be Found” from Dear Evan Hansen. (If you haven’t seen it yet, click on the video. The next three minutes of your life will be so much better because of it.)
Through tears, I watched these two profoundly gifted men reach out with their art to a hurting world, offering words of hope and love. And, as the strains of melody died away, I found myself wondering yet again:
“What exactly am I doing with my life?”
Thankfully, words from a devotional by my old friend Henri Nouwen intervened before I could slip too deeply into THAT self-centered quagmire of insecurity and discontent:
“So many terrible things happen every day that we start wondering whether the few things we do ourselves make any sense. . . . Hence, the word call becomes important. We are not called to save the world, solve all problems, and help all people. But each of us has our own unique call, in our families, in our work, in our world. We have to keep asking God to help us see clearly what our call is and to give us the strength to live out that call with trust. Then we will discover that our faithfulness to a small task is the most healing response to the illnesses of our time.”
I believe I am called to write. The reason this blog is coming to you rather hurriedly on a late Friday afternoon is that I have been working all week on preparing my first poetry collection for publication. It should be available in just a few weeks, and I believe – I hope and pray – that it could be a vessel of encouragement and inspiration for any who read it. And, in writing it and sharing it, I hope to fulfill one more bit of my unique call.
By the way, join my official mailing list and you’ll be among the first to know when this poetry collection is released:
As a foretaste, here is one of the more personal poems, with its introduction from the book thrown in. (I’ve only included one of the two poems mentioned.) I pray it reminds you – even for a moment – that “you will be found”.
I think I might have an undiagnosed problem with anxiety. At times – often with a logical trigger, occasionally for no apparent reason – I find my mind caught in downwardly spiraling fear traps that defy most common sense and all wisdom. These next two poems are attempts to chronicle my ongoing journey through this gate. It is a long gateway, but not a hopeless one.
If you cannot relate to them, may they provide insight into this battle and inspire compassion for those who fight it every day. I guarantee you know at least one such person.
If, however, these words bear any resemblance to your own story, may they en-courage you.
We are not alone.
Bridal Veil Falls
Weary we rest
Held close to the chest
Of earth, far from casual view
Lulled by the calls
Of impervious falls
I ponder what keeps me from you
Even up here
On mountaintop clear
A shadow lies grimly between
Me and the world
As, wary, tight-curled
’Round my heart lies a horror unseen
Visions of death
Keep catching my breath
So it can’t enliven my feet
Anxiously still
’Gainst more valiant will
I stay in my caution-bound seat
This ancient door
Deserves so much more
Of me than I’ve courage to give
Wonder must bid
Life’s grace, deeply hid
To rise – or I never will live
Cease not to chide
Your trembling bride
However her reason may shake
Stand at the gate
Hold fast, love, and wait
Each moment her soul will awake
I have already planned to whom I shall gift your poetry collection. It will be a feast for them.
Your insight and words heal. So blessed watching you step into your calling.