During Women’s History Month, I had the privilege of hearing several female writers share their work at a local gathering. My heart was broken by how many of the pieces – at least two-thirds – recounted tales of abuse, oppression, and belittlement by men. Even more heartbreaking, most of these stories were nonfiction. I carried the heaviness of this sorrow home with me, but it was laced with something else – a puzzlement amounting almost to bewilderment.
Later, sorting through these feelings with my husband I realized the source of the confusion: my own life carries no context with the painful experiences I heard described. I have never been abused, nor have I been passed over or made to feel “lesser” as a woman.
My husband thought for a moment, then replied:
“You’ve had very good men in your life.”
He was right – and he is, himself, one of those good men. But on this special day, it seems fitting to honor the man who has been in my life the longest – my first living example of what a man should be.
Some of my earliest and best memories are of sitting on my daddy’s lap as he read aloud to the family at the end of the day. Both he and my mama love Story, and they raised all four of their children to do the same – not just to be readers, but to be lovers of beauty and seekers of wonder. To this day, most of our conversations involve descriptions of whatever each of us is reading/watching. The characters from our most favorite stories have passed over into “family member” status.
(Seriously. Just try to sit through one of our family meals without knowing anything about Narnia, Tolkien, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Laura Ingalls Wilder, or Jane Austen. You’ll be lost very quickly.)
Growing up, I watched my daddy juggle three jobs, each of them uniquely and poignantly taxing. I watched – and continue to watch – him take countless courageous stands for his convictions, always with a wisdom and grace that baffles his opponents. I watched him move about the country and travel the globe in steadfast obedience to his vocation, always with both ears listening for the next duty station.
But, through all this, the deepest and most lasting impression this man has made on my life is the abiding awareness of his love for his family – of his love for me.
I knew I wanted to be a writer before I left elementary school. Along the way, I studied music and theatre, even attaining a master’s degree in the latter. Many parents would cringe at the thought of their child pursuing such impractical careers; perhaps mine did too, but they never showed it. All I felt from them was support – fervent, enthusiastic affirmation of who I was (first) and what I accomplished (second).
Upon reflection, I am beginning to realize how completely this support has sustained and empowered me at every turning point of my life. I knew, more deeply than mere cognition, that this man believed in me. What’s more, I knew he trusted me to make decisions following the pattern of prayer, reflection, and seeking counsel he has always modeled for me. I can say truthfully, with no trace of hyperbole, that I would not be where I am today without that knowing.
While looking through my memory box for photos for this post, I came across these letters, notes he wrote to me at various times. Two of them, both written over twenty years ago, contain encouragement for my writing endeavors – not just encouragement, but exhortation. “Continue to write,” he said. “Write because you have something to write. Write because you enjoy writing.”
So, I shall write.
So, I can write.
Today, I give honor and thanks to the man who showed me what a good man looks like – who empowered me instead of belittling me – who continues to cheer me on every step of the way.
Happy Father’s Day, Daddy.
I love you.
A beautiful tribute to an amazing man
Beautiful! Made me cry for pure joy!!.,
WOW! As I wipe the tears from my eyes!!! Yes, write, you have a lot to say, and you say it so well!! Love you, Ruth!
Oh JJ, you made me cry. I am not sure if I am supposed to say, “thank you”, but I do thank you for who you are. I love you more than I can say.
Indeed you have a very excellent father! (Your mom is no slouch either. )What a fantastic testimony of what fatherhood is supposed to look like!
Awesome tribute to an awesome dad from an awesome daughter!
So beautiful Ruth, your dad is an amazing husband, father, and man ive ever known. Your family has truly blessed my life. I know Tony treasured his leadership and friendsip.