Cats are a difficult subject for Doc, but he thought it important to try.
Um, So . . .
The World According to Doc
CHAPTER 4: CATS
Um, so . . . hi. My name is Doc. Today I want to talk abowt one of the grate miss-ter-eez of the wurld.
I want to talk abowt CATS.
Cats are a miss-ter-ee. I do not underrstand them.
I think they like sum of the same things I do, like sleep. Cats are verry gud sleepers. But I do not think they like runs and walks. They just sit and stare owt the winn-doe – stare and stare and stare.
I like to stare owt the winn-doe, but that is part of my king-job. (Did I tell you I am a king? It is tru. I am a verry important king.)
I do not think cats underrstand that The Owtside is a majikal place.
I do not even underrstand how I feel abowt cats.
Sum-times I like them. Sum cats are verry nice. It can be verry peese-full to spend time with a cat-frehnd, es- – espesh- espechully if it is nap time.
But sum-times . . . sum-times, I do NOT like cats. Sum-times, wen I see a cat, I “looz my everr-luvving mind”. (That is wut Mommy and Daddy say. I do not noe wut it meens.)
That is becuz sum cats are NOT cats. Not reely.
SUM CATS ARE EEVIL DEE-MUNS HOO WANT TO EET OWR FACES.
Wen I see one of THOSE cats, I try to warrn my Mommy and Daddy. I do NOT want the eevil dee-mun to eet there faces. It’s part of my king-job to gard all of owr faces frum eevil dee-muns.
(Um, so . . . I do not think I have told you this be-forr, but . . . I am a king. I am a verry important king.)
((Sorry I did not tell you be-forr; Mommy and Daddy say I have a verry shorrt shorrt-terrm memmorree, wutever THAT meens.))
Mommy and Daddy do NOT underrstand. They tell me to be nice to cats.
How can I ex-plane to them that I am VERRY nice to cats, but it is my king-job to eet the faces off eevil dee-muns be-forr they eet OWR faces????
My Mommy and Daddy keep telling me to try. They say I shud be nice to ALL cats – eeven the ones that seem like eevil dee-muns. They want me to giv everee cat a chans.
“Maybee it’s not an eevil dee-mun,” they say. “Don’t be afrade. Luk forr the nice bits – the things you like abowt cats.”
Maybee they are rite. They are verry smart sum-times.
Maybee I shud try to nice to ALL cats.
Maybee we shud ALL try to luk forr the nice bits in everee cat we meet.
We shud def- deffun- def-fun-nut-lee NOT be afrade.
I will try. I hope you can, too.
(But iff you doo find a cat that is reely an eevil dee-mun . . . do nott wurry. Let me noe. I will eet its face. I am a king. It is my job.)
((Um, so . . . did I tell you I am a king?))
Too cute!!